Day 47, AYAT - They were working on a plan for discharging me. The CT scan showed that the fluid collection around my diaphragm was almost gone, a great thing to celebrate! They wanted to reverse the ileostomy in the coming days and discharge me shortly after. They wanted me to go to a rehab facility based on several observations. I did say to them that I became wiped out physically after taking a shower and they took that as I couldn’t do it. Or at least the notes were saying that. I get it, you want your patients to be able to handle stuff at home but I think they were missing a huge part of this… I would have breakfast, see several doctors, nurses, and specialists, and then have to do PT and OT, most of the time before lunch. Things were not spread out and I would get tired. At home, I could spread out all that I needed to and pace myself which I did once I got home.
Also that day, a situation beyond my control had happened and I was sedated medically. Not for long and I ended up taking a nap but I feel that this was not the day to make assessments. I would have been exhausted from the medication and not up to much. It was not a reflection of my true strength or capabilities. I do not fault them however, they were saints to put up with my stubbornness. They couldn’t have known just how things were at that time because certain things were kept confidential. Only my nurse knew the extent of what caused the situation and she acted with discretion. Looking back I know I had amazing care from all of them and they had my best interests at heart based on the observations they made. I do not fault them in the least. You can only know what you know until you know more. 20/20 right???
Today, I spent some much-needed time relaxing and working on my house. It was a self-care day doing something I had wanted to do for weeks. Things look amazing and inviting, creating a sense of calm. This needs to be my sanctuary and little by little it is becoming just that. Soon I will change my focus to my barn/studio. Yes, my dear husband gifted me an entire building to move my studio to, which is one of the reasons we chose this property. When I get to that point, maybe I will create another blog… or just share pics. I also spent time evaluating my artist statement. So much has changed since I wrote it and I feel like my art practice has shifted focus. In the last three years, I have spent time, packing my school apartment, moving, packing my home, moving, unpacking, dying, living, and then healing. I finally made my first art piece in three years and it has a lot of the elements that are me but so much more than what I did before. Time for some serious reflection.
Pic: Woke up with a headache and this picture says it all!
