Day 50, AYAT - I felt nauseous all day. Some days were like that while others were not as bad. Later, after I was discharged, I figured out that the antibiotics caused a lot of the nausea. That’s a story for another day. I do not remember the specifics but across the board, the specialists were notating that I was sick to my stomach. I wouldn’t eat a lot and I was weak. From this standpoint, it sounds like a crummy day. Nothing else jogs a memory as to what the rest of the day was like. I do remember a day towards the beginning of this journey that comes to mind. It was after I was moved from the ICU into a regular room and I had to get up to use the bathroom. I am not a small person by any means but I also have major crazy strength when I need it. I had hit the call button and they had wheeled me into the bathroom. I got on the toilet and did my business, however, I could not get up. I tried and tried but just trying was tiring me out. Finally, an amazing CNA came in and stood in front of me. She looked me in the eyes and said “You gonna get up?” I can still hear her say it. She said it in a way that was a challenge and for someone who loves to rise to the challenge, looked her square in the eye and said “Yessssss.” Through gritted teeth and a lot of pulling, I found the determination to get up. I love that she knew exactly what to say and how to say it. Was it a guess on her part? Was it the beautiful accent that made me believe she was challenging me? I don’t know but it worked.

Today: It has been a quiet day and at 9:30 on this October night, the tinny sounds of rain hitting the window can be heard. usually, if we get moisture at this time have year, it’s snow. I wasn’t sure what was going on when I heard what I thought was the rumble of a car engine just a few minutes before but when I got up another crack hit. I love the sound of thunder in the distance and this was the soothing kind. It’s a beautiful sound to go to sleep to, like a nature lullaby.

Pic: Not mine but somewhere I wouldn’t mind living.