Day 39, AYAT - I remember this day. It was very hard to handle. I was still spiking fevers and scared beyond mention. The doctors decided to take me off of all antibiotics to see if I was having fevers associated with the medications. It’s called drug fever. The plan was to watch my white blood count, fevers, and exams closely to figure out the cause of the fevers. If the fevers worsened they had a plan, if they got better then they knew what had caused them in the first place. Well, let me tell you!!!! This caused panic. I was tachycardia, having fevers, chills, pain, and so scared of a massive infection. In my mind, the antibiotics were helping my diseased body fight off the sepsis and kept me alive. Here are the trusted doctors telling me that they will be stopping the antibiotics to see how things go. Yes, I was losing it and I was crying. I would cry off and on that day because of the overwhelming ask to trust them. I eventually realized that they didn’t make me do this from home. They did this while I was in the hospital and if something went wrong, I was in the best place to get help. Finally, I calmed down. All of these professionals had come together with a plan to help figure out my fevers. Did I feel like a little ginny pig?? Yes, but I also realized that they at least came up with a way to figure out what was wrong. I wasn’t left to deal with the fevers while they threw more antibiotics at it. They had a plan. I worked with the nurses to prepare for the fevers, if they should come, and that helped me feel like I was part of the solution instead of a patient to be acted upon. I was an active participant in this. That was helpful and empowering. I needed that. It is so hard to be the patient. Trust is needed to move forward and understanding is important so the patient does not become lost. At times I felt that way. I was lost on several occasions but when I would speak up, the medical personnel would get me answers. That helped me trust my team and trust that we would find answers. Overall it was a scary day but a good day. I grew as a person.
Today: Today has been hard. I have been feeling kind of off for the last few days and I have been taking my blood pressure as I feel like my heart has been beating out of my chest. Last night I felt that way again so took my BP and saw the reading from a few days ago. My BP was okay but my pulse was racing 127. NOT okay!!! This was the kind of reading I had in the hospital when they were trying to figure out what was wrong. So I went back into a little panic. This morning I woke up with a serious pain in my incision area and so I started making some calls. I did speak with a wonderful PA and she was so comforting. As I started getting ready to head to the ER I remembered a hiccup with one of my medications and searched my pill box to see if I was correct. My BP medication was not in there. I hadn’t been taking it for a couple of days. Okay, so that explains the tachycardia but it doesn’t explain the pain. I am keeping an eye on it and hopefully, it’s just part of the healing process. Healing is hard work both physically and mentally. Some days I feel like a complete basket case and other days I feel like I am an old pro. Again, I learned something… Make lists, follow up on stuff, and do not let your life overwhelm you to the point of not taking care of yourself. Thank you PA E, For being compassionate and kind.
So today’s picture is of a meme I saw on FB and it came at the right time. When I put it into practice a calm came over me and I was able to rationally think things through. God works in mysterious ways or at least it seems mysterious because we were not expecting to be taken care of so completely.
